January,01, 2008

Have you ever dreamed of your death? Have you ever wondered what it is going to be like? That time. The moment you die. Will you be sleeping in a nice and cozy bed? Will you freeze to death? Is it going to be throbbing and agonizing, will the pain be excruciating and unbearable?

I wonder will it be a moment of awe? Does your heart stop beating because of the terror you feel? Dying? You analyze your every move, weight things and situations. You want to die as peacefully as you can, in your sleep, from old age, 'cause of death: natural causes-aging'. Who would know that I am afraid of death? Isn't everyone? I ask my self repeatedly if those flashes, that split second full of images, are they premonitions? This charade has gone too far.

If I shall die tonight please know this. I wanted to be happy, I was happy sometimes and I was sad as well. More than most people would've guessed, less than I wanted to be.

If I shall die tonight, it will not be from a broken heart, it will be from the cold. This night is predicted to be arctic, alone in a bed, alone in this house, alone in my life, where art thou dear father? Where art thou dear mother?  I have left and you are alone, I am away homesick, ill, and I need you. This is my choice.

If I shall die tonight, I will die as I chose.